596 A.D. - The Battle of Raith

In 596, the Angles landed on the Fife coast near Raith. This is how the story would have been covered by KHS FM at the time

The Battle Of Raith - 596 A.D.
In 596, the Angles landed on the Fife coast near Raith. They were planning to invade Scotland. King Aedhan, king of the Scots and Picts in Fife, responded by gathering a large army. Unfortunately, his elite bodyguard of 300 soldiers got drunk and ran down to the coast to fight the Angles on their own and were completely massacred.

This is how the story would have been covered by KHS FM at the time. KHS FM speaks to the invading Angles and brings you an exclusive interview with King Aedhan himself. Furthermore, with our embedded reporter in the bodyguards camp we bring you a unique first hand account of their now infamous suicidal charge.


Anchor 1 - Megan
Anchor 2 - Kieran
Reporter 1 (Angles) - Victoria
Reporter 2 (King Aedhan) - Andrew
Reporter 3 (Bodyguards) - Chris
King Aedhen - Ross
Bodyguard 1 - Mikey
Abrecan (An Angle) - Michael
Stock Market Reporter
/Sound Recording - Callum
Script - All
Editing - All

Battle of Raith - Full Script

[Intro theme-fade in]

Megan: Welcome to your lunchtime news. Just a reminder that yesterday’s lottery numbers were XI, VII, II and the bonus was IV. There are no winners confirmed as yet so dig out those winning tickets! Now over to (Kieran) with some breaking news just in.

Kieran: Thanks (Megan), and as you’ve heard some news just in that some foreigners, believed to be “Angles”, have just landed west of Kirkcaldy near Raith on the east coast of Fife. One of our Anchors (Victoria) is at the landing site with the Angles so lets cross over live.


Victoria: Thanks. I’m here with one of these so-called ‘Angles’ to find out why they are here. So, Mr…

Angle: Abrecan.

Victoria: Yes, Mr Abrecan, why are you and your…. colleagues invading our country?

Angle: We are not invading, we are here to liberate your country.

Victoria: Ok, but what exactly are you liberating us from?

Angle: We are liberating you from an uncivilised country, we are here to rescue the people from a barbaric society.

Victoria: Well, the majority of our people are not wanting you to liberate us, what would you say to them?

Angle: Well, your people need to make way for change and allow your culture to evolve.

Victoria: Well thank you for your opinions. (To the listeners.) Well, you’ve heard here first folks, the Angles are here to ‘liberate’ us from a ‘barbaric society’. I wonder what the studio has to say about that, lets hear what they think.

Megan: Okay thanks (Victoria), sorry to interrupt but we can now cross to (Andrew) who is live with King Aedhan who is on his way now with an Army to the landing site to see what he is going to do to repel these invaders.


Andrew: Thanks Victoria, And I’m live at the top end where our boys stand proud ready to squash those angles, and with me is King Aedhan who has given me the opportunity to have a quick chat with him. So King Aedhan, I’m guessing you’ve trained these boys well for a situation like this.

King Aedhan: You give me too little credit. He he, (pause) But seriously I’m looking forward to this. I’m feeling very confident. So much so that I bet 2 of my prize horses on us lads winning. So yes, no problems on this end.

Andrew: So, your feeling rather confident then. Why is that?

King Aedhan: Well Andrew, I won’t be participating in the actual battle itself, you know, Health and safety reasons etc, etc…. But my bodyguards will be and I’m sure they do me proud. If they don’t, it’s severely reduced pay. Or off with their heads. Either way doesn’t phase me.

Andrew: The battlefield, it’s a bit of a hill and the weather has made it marshy. Ideal conditions for our boys?

King Aedhan: Our boys are tough customers. When they’ve drunk all that ale they’re certainly fearless. And brainless. They won’t let silly little things like poor weather phase them. And, like I said in my election manifesto, “The 24 hour pup opening gives a fearless army!”

Andrew: Well, nothing but confidence here : back to you in the studio.

King Aedhan: (Background) Well that went well. I tell you went you can’t have a scratch on the backside…. What? Were still live? Ahh!

Kieran: Things are really hotting up. Thanks Andrew. I….. I….. Yes, We’ve now got Chris on the line who is embedded with King Aedhan’s Bodyguards who we understand have been drinking very heavily and we believe are claiming that the Angles intend on attacking us with Weapons of Mass Destruction, Chris.


Chris: thank you, I am here embedded with king Aedhan’s body guards, I can see lots of ale and about 300 of drunk men. So guys how do you feel about this invasion?

Mikey: [slurs] we hate…

Chris: you hate?

Mikey: [slurs] them, yes that’s who we hate, them

Chris: So why is it that you hate them?

Mikey: [slurs] because they’re oreign infaders

Chris: they’re what?

Mikey: [slurs] foreign invaders… people that invade from a foreign place

Chris: um… okay, so don’t you guys think you’d be able to take on the angles?

Mikey: slurs] aye we would be able to… infact… come on boys we’re going to slaughter the angles


Chris: the BG’s have just charged down towords that angles, only 300 against what looks like thousands… I don’t believe it…
Oh my god…
Chris: was that my fault

Callum: yup

Chris : [wing it]

Chris: are we still on?

Callum : yes

Chris : umm… oops… back to the studio

Megan: Well, (Kieran), that was a bit of an unexpected battle! Stupidity, they never stood a chance. Too much ale interfering with common sense, they thought they were supermen!

Kieran: A sad day. And it could be worse… The price of turnips will rise because of them destroying that field.

Megan: Well we can find out now, because here’s (sm rep) with the post battle market report.

Sm rep: Well, this invasion has certainly affected the stock market. There has been a sudden rise in all vegetables, Turnips have risen by 4 and a half Denarii’s and I have heard through the grapevine that carrots have rocketed!
Horses and Livestock are now at their most expensive price ever. At 750 Denarii so farmers are going to have a word with their accountants very soon. Now back to Kieran

Kieran: Thanks Callum…Time for a quick reaction from King Aehden, I think, Andrew.

[Theme music -Fade in]

Megan: Thanks Andrew…Well that’s all we have time for today. 596 A.D.
A momentous Day here in Fife. Goodbye.

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